Laying The Groundwork: By Tweeting In All Caps Like Trump, Gavin Newsom Is Proving He’s The Democrat Best Suited To Be A Writer’s Assistant On ‘Our Cartoon President’ If It’s Ever Rebooted

Trump Angry Not A Single Visiting European Leader Wearing Lederhosen, Tiny Hat

Travis Kelce Receives Invoice For Girlfriend’s Podcast Appearance

Fact-Checking Trump On Crime

George R.R. Martin Finally Finishes Writing Sequel To ‘Erin Brockovich’

JD Vance Booed By Own Reflection In Mirror

Poll Finds Americans Still Believe Greatest Threat To Public Health The Undertaker

DHS Offers $1,000 Stipend To Migrants Who Voluntarily Self-Destruct

Disgusted God Puts Giant Overturned Glass Atop Humanity

Alan Dershowitz Sues Farmers Market Vendor For Refusing To Sell Him Child

Frito-Lay CEO Gifts Trump Gold Funyun

RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid

Agriculture Secretary Demands U.S. Farmers Invent 5 New Melons By Friday

Watchdog Group Downgrades U.S. From Democracy To Whatever Political System Lobsters Have

Fox News Decries Woke Casting Of Indian Man As Star Of ‘Sankranthiki Vasthunam’

U.S. Becomes First Country To Recognize Mega-Israel

Top Reasons For Leaving Summer Camp Early

What To Know About The Tea App

Bachelorette Party Bankrupts 4 Of Bride’s Fave Girlies

Restless Billionaire Regrets Having Infusion Of Child’s Blood After 4 P.M.

RFK Jr. Recommends Eating Good Cancer To Kill The Bad Cancer

Flour Sack Still Dealing With Trauma Of Being Raised By Single Teenage Mother

Trump Readjusts Golf Tee In JD Vance’s Mouth

Biggest Revelations From The New Gwyneth Paltrow Biography

Pedestrians Passing Each Other On Sidewalk Stop To Let Children Sniff Each Other

New Death With Indignity Law Lets Terminally Ill Be Crushed By Falling Vending Machines

Desperate Trump Attempts To Flush 14-Year-Old Masseuse Down Toilet