In a classic case of 'what was I thinking,' restless tech billionaire Jasper Stroud found himself regretting his decision to partake in an infusion of child’s blood after 4 p.m. on Friday. The anxious fintech founder, who usually takes a quick nap, decided to raid his 'blood boy fridge' for a quick hit instead. Little did he know that the middle schooler's testosterone in the blood would skyrocket his heart rate and disrupt his sleep schedule.

'Even a couple drops is a lot—what the hell was I thinking taking a whole liter of this stuff?' lamented Stroud, who realized this fresh, youthful blood would have him tossing and turning all night. 'I should’ve had it parabiotically filtered through a college student at the very least,' he added, clearly questioning his life choices.

At last report, the jittery billionaire was seen on his underwater treadmill, trying to sweat out the overzealous hormones of the 13-year-old's blood. Perhaps a good old-fashioned chamomile tea would have been a better choice?