Nation Boards Up Windows, Retreats To Cellar As Lena Dunham Reenters News Cycle

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Trump Announces $175 Billion Rosie O’Donnell Defense System

Trump Urges Supporters To Move On From Societal Disdain For Pedophilia

The Onion Film Standard: ‘28 Years Later’

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White Sox Fans Asked To Remove Polish Sausage From Mouths During National Anthem

Milwaukee Removes Fonzie Statue Amid Reckoning With Greaser Past

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Lorde

Pam Bondi: ‘What Is The DOJ Hiding?’

Something Forbidden Stirs Deep Within Trump After He Sees Political Cartoon Depicting Him As Chicken

Lack Of Concrete Dinner Plans Leaves Power Vacuum Filled By Radical Pro-Tapas Fanatics

Dad Spends Retirement Untangling Big Mess Of Wires

Texas Politicians Used Burner Email To Request FEMA Funds

Tile Store Offended By Sponsored Little League Team Celebrating Win At Pizza Place Instead

Ted Cruz: ‘Vacationing Is How I Grieve’

Insecure Woman Doesn’t Like Eating In Front Of Surveillance State

What’s In Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill

WNBA To Expand Into 3 More Cities As Caitlin Clark Cloning Experiment Nears Completion

ICE Has Gall To Leave Raided Restaurant Negative Review

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Jared Leto Teases ‘Tron: Ares’ Villain Will Be Teen Girl Who Lies For Attention

Dad Carrying 2-Person Inner Tube Up Waterslide Steps Like Christ Bearing Cross