US President Donald Trump has been brought to tears today while delivering a eulogy for his long-time friend, the First Amendment, who recently passed away under mysterious circumstances.

At a funeral service in Arizona, the First Amendment to the US Constitution, the Freedom of Speech, has been commemorated by thousands of attendees, with some even attending by choice. 

“This is a devastating loss, and there are no right words to express this pain, so the far right words will have to do,” said the grieving President during his eulogy.

“I will find whoever did this, and I will make sure you aren’t allowed to host a late-night show for the rest of your sorry life.”

However, the painful period doesn’t end there for Trump, who has been scrutinized for his lack of alibi for when Free Speech was killed. In response, Trump has ordered that anyone who pushes the “Democrat Hoax” he is related to the death of the First Amendment be given the same judicial treatment as drug traffickers on a boat from Venezuela. 

“I think everybody here agrees that Free Speech did not die of natural causes, because the monstrous Left killed it,” Trump said. “In fact I know we all agree, because if you don’t then you’ll lose your job.”

The President then began informing the audience on his incredible work renovating the $200 million White House ballroom, as all in mourning do.