Nobel Prize desperado, Donald Trump, has been caught in the White House bathroom rehearsing an acceptance speech in front of the mirror.

After another successful announcement of a “war-ending deal” between Israel and Palestine (which the latter hasn’t had any part of), the US President hoped that naming his new position “Chairman of the Board of Peace” might be subtle enough of a hint to the Nobel Peace Prize committee that he’s hoping for a nomination.

Once journalists had left the Oval Office, Netanyahu noticed that Trump started clearing space on his mantelpiece “for nothing in particular”, before Googling how large the Nobel Peace Prize was.

Trump then cleared his throat and was seen heading to the Oval Office restroom, where he stayed for half an hour. Naturally, this didn’t raise any suspicions, until staffers heard Trump speaking to himself in the bathroom.

“I’d like to thank all the people who started those wars. Without you, this wouldn’t have been possible,” he was heard rehearsing. “And of course, to God. I hope I can still count on your vote in the 2028 election.”

Once caught in the act, Trump tried to pretend he was doing something less embarrassing: “I was just flushing classified documents down the toilet again.”