News Corp has hastily organised an emergency all-staff meeting across its global offices, after a young Muslim man with strong opinions was elected New York mayor.

With the 34-year-old Zohran Mamdani winning today’s election, News Corp executives reminded staff that this was the biggest existential threat to Western Civilisation since the last thing they said was the biggest existential threat to Western Civilisation.

“He’s young. He’s Muslim. He’s opinionated. He’s a socialist. Let’s pull out all the stops to bury this guy please people,” one editor said.

“I want forty op-eds belittling Mamdani on my desk by 5pm!” another editor yelled.

“Let’s get ideas for a full-page derogatory cartoon happening immediately,” a picture editor added.

Executives from Fox News and the New York Post told staff they could learn a lot from their colleagues at the Daily Telegraph and The Australian in Sydney.

“Let’s dig up some of the great work they did on Yassmin Abdel-Magied and Antoinette Lattouf. Let’s see what we can learn from their racially-coded cartoon work. Have we considered the terrorism angle yet? Speak to your Australian colleagues about how to do this creatively,” one executive said.

Those present said the call was abuzz with creativity. “Is he trans? Or if he isn’t, can we say that he is?” one participant offered.

“How can we use the phrase ‘questions need to be asked’ to stoke conspiracy theories and create panic about this guy? Think laterally,” another suggested.

“He says the word ‘community’. That’s code for ‘Violent Communist Revolution’. Write it down,” a senior editor offered.

“And let’s not forget he’s young too. We’ve done 3,000 articles blaming Millennials for existing, so let’s weave some of those narratives in there as well”.

Those on the call were told there would be a dedicated Mamdani unit set up by the end of the week. “We want ten to twenty thousand staff on this, minimum. Let’s get to work people!”