Jordan Gardner, a 31-year-old man, is all too familiar with the classic breakup script, having been on the receiving end more times than he cares to count. But recently, he found himself daydreaming about what it would be like to flip the script and be the one to call it quits.

"I’m not relationship material. They all tell me that," says Jordan. "Which is a shame, because I quite like having someone around to shag." He admits he’d never initiate a breakup because he's unsure of what incompatibility even means. After all, isn't it them who are incompatible with his marathon gaming sessions and pub crawls?

Jordan reflects on the idea of ending a relationship himself as a novel and empowering experience. The thought of saying, "It’s not you, it’s me," and "Let’s make this a friendship and see where that goes," while meaning the opposite, seems like a thrilling power trip. However, he concludes, "It’ll never happen. It’s not me. I’m just too much of a nice guy and too grateful for sex."