AN average, ordinary working man has admitted that pretty much everyone on his estate has relocated abroad in fear of tomorrow’s budget. 

Jim Bates, aged 33, who lives in a new-build semi-detached outside Rochester, confirmed houses are empty, the streets deserted and all savings accounts drained, just like the Tory newspapers said.

He said: “Yeah, this coming financial apocalypse means anyone who can has already got the hell out of Britain. And everyone can, so everyone has.

“Debbie and the family across? Gone to Dubai. Tony and Ashley over there? Qatar. Mr Hawkins in the big five-bedroom is in Romania for its favourable tax regime. I said ‘Wasn’t the EU bad?’ and he explained that was before Labour got in.

“Like they’ve kept warning, if you increase tax even slightly then everyone in the country has entirely modular lives which can be easily removed and transported to a different country, so why wouldn’t they? Doesn’t just apply to the super-rich.

“I’m only still here because I’ve not finished my HNC in electrical engineering. After that I’m taking my savings and going. I’m thinking Florida would reward a man with my skills.”

He added: “Why didn’t everyone leave the country after the Liz Truss budget? Loyalty.”