Linguists at the Australian National University have described a transcript from a meeting discussing Barnaby Joyce’s possible defection to Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party as “completely indecipherable”.

Linguistic expert Belinda Craigburn said the transcript contained a muddled mix of guttural noises, references to Woolworths’ paper bags and the word ‘wind farm’.

“It reads like a malfunctioning UHF radio being attacked by a galah,” Craigburn said. “Instead of a detailed conversation about policy, what we got was Pauline yelling ‘Yeah but the thing is, Barnaby—BARNABY—no, listen—’ while Barnaby responded with a 14-minute story about a cow that got stuck in a gate. None of it resembled human language”.

“At one point, Barnaby said the word ‘water’ 37 times in a row, followed by ‘YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!’ But no one, including Joyce himself, seemed to know what it meant”.

Joyce defended the transcript, saying it was “perfectly clear to anyone who’s ever owned a bonza binka fair dip weatherboard ute”.

Asked for comment, Hanson said the left-wing media should stop attacking honest conversations between two patriots.